Parallel Sailor Moon

As appeared in the Materials Collection, October 1999.
Written by Takeuchi Naoko.
Translated by Kurozuki (manga@kurozuki.com). Version 1.0, 12.99.


July 1999.
Early afternoon, in a certain dimension, on a certain planet, in a certain country, in a certain city...

"Yahoo! Once again! (Oh, I'm so naughty!)"

Aino Minako
Parent. (Age: Secret.)

[She uses the word 'mata' meaning 'again', but it's written with the kanji for 'mata' meaning 'crotch'.]

"Oh, Ami-chan. Is it all right to wander outside in that white doctor's robe? You too, Rei-chan, with those clothes."

Kino Makoto
Parent. (Age: Secret.)

"Sorry!" says Minako.

"You're 33 minutes and 49 seconds late! Today I'm working part-time at the clinic in the building next door."

Mizuno Ami
Parent. (Age: Secret.)

"I'm going back to purify the new building in the neighborhood."

Hino Rei
Parent. (Age: Secret.)

"Hey! Girl president!" says Minako. "How's the shop doing?"

"Being married for seven years (living together for two), it was my dream," says Makoto. "Finally, finally having my shop, being helped by my kind husband, I'm so happy! How have you been lately, Mina?"

"I'm having fun!" says Minako. "As always, taking the kid on field trips every day to soaps and going to see variety shows. I've also increased my celebrity autograph collection. This is all thanks to my husband! (Want to go to a concert together?)"

"Your husband's a soap producer, right?" says Ami.

"Assistant director for a comedy," says Minako.

"Rei-chan," says Makoto. "Is it true your husband is working as a Shinto priest while he's teaching at school? That's terrible! (Can't you make him quit?)"

"It's no use," says Rei. "He says he can't quit."

"Rei-chan," says Ami. "Is it true you've started a calligraphy class in your house? Take care of my kid. She's always just playing with the computer, so her writing is quite, quite poor."

"No!" says Minako. "Ami-chan, you can't just force learning! It won't develop the child's abundant creative power! Even if she can't write, just pile up money for college."

Ami's fist strikes Minako's face.

"We're poor working doctors at my house!" says Ami. "(There's no charge, right, Rei-chan?)"

"What!" says Minako. "Your husband's job is easy to understand if you can read!"

Four kids with hair like their parents' stand by them.

"Mom! We're going to cooking class!" they say.

"Oh, you're still here."

"Don't follow strangers, you four."

Minako sighs.

"I'm glad they're going to play outside. When they stay at my house, I clean and I clean, but before I realize it, the whole house is a sea of chaos."

"That's the law of increasing entropy," says Ami.

"Huh?" says Minako. "Entropy? Mina-P??"

A girl with pink hair in pointed balls and a girl with dark shoulder-length hair approach, both wearing glasses and school uniforms.

"So, where are Maxwell's Demons meeting today?"

"Chibi-Usa-chan! Hotaru-chan!"

Tsukino Chibi-Usa
Grade 9. (Eldest daughter of the Tsukino family.)

Tomoe Hotaru
Grade 9.

"You're getting it, even as a kid," says Ami.

"I'm aiming for Japan's highest seat of learning, just like senpai," says Chibi-Usa.

"Then become a bureaucrat and control the country," says Hotaru.

"Did you find Chibi?" says Rei.

"It seems our Chibi was on duty with rabbit breeding," says Chibi-Usa. "When I went to get her, she was dozing off. (She lost at rock-paper-scissors.)"

"That's great," says Makoto. "Chibi-Usa-chan, you went to go get Chibi-chan?"

"It's just that she has things to learn today," says Chibi-Usa. "That kid, she's picking up things and eating them on the way, and my mom is too dumb to count on."

"Sorry! I'm late!"

Tsukino Usagi
Parent of two. (Age: Secret.)

"Usagi! You're the main character, and how many pages have we had to wait! (What were you doing!)"

"Because!" says Usagi. "When I put on new shoes, it's hard to walk!"

"Just slip something on and come!"

Rei: Zoori. [straw sandals]
Ami: Sandals.
Minako: Beach sandals.
Makoto: Geta. [wooden clogs]

"Oh, Chibi-Usa, what are you doing here?" says Usagi.

Chibi-Usa glares at her, holding out two pieces of paper.

"Payment demand for your eldest daughter's cram school fee, payment demand for your second daughter's school lunch program, and today you missed the PTA meeting. Did you lock up the house when you left?"

Usagi's eyes water, and she starts to bawl.

"You're so mean!"

"Well, we have cram school, so..."

Chibi-Usa and Hotaru leave.


"Jeez, talking on the phone every day, meeting every week, having trivial conversations."

"Don't housewives have any other hobbies?"

"Those five are all adopted daughters-in-law."

Aino Mina
Grade 3. (Eldest daughter of the Aino family.)

"Ah, so that's why they do whatever they want to do. And the fathers have no voice."

Kino Mako
Grade 3. (Eldest daughter of the Kino family.)

"The name of their once-a-week tea party is 'Sailor Muscles Meeting'."

Hino Rei
Grade 3. (Eldest daughter of the Hino family.)

"It's pathetic."

Mizuno Ami
Grade 3. (Eldest daughter of the Mizuno family.)

"What should we do now?" says Mina. "Let's go to Tsuzuku Studios in Juuban! Why don't we wait for the juniors to come out?"

"I want to go to Shibuya and look at clothes!" says Mako.

"I'm going home and sleeping," says Rei.

"I'm going to Jinbouchou to look at books," says Ami.

"There's a delicious curry place in Jinbouchou! Kousagi wants Jinbouchou!"

A girl with two pairs of balls tied in her hair, carrying an ice cream cone, pants as she reaches them.

Tsukino Kousagi
Grade 3. (Second daughter of the Tsukino family.)

['kousagi' could mean 'little rabbit' or 'young rabbit'.]

"I finally caught up with you!" says Kousagi. "I'm hungry from running. Let's go get something to eat!"

The four girls stare at her.

"She's here," says Mina. "The human digestive organ."

"Eating something again."

"She might be a fire extinguisher," says Mako. "Let's go."

[The Japanese words for 'digestive organ' and 'fire extinguisher' are pronounced the same, so it's something of a pun.]

The four girls quickly run away.

"Hey, wait!" says Kousagi. "Don't leave me!"

She steps forward and trips over a rock, falling flat on her face.

She starts crying.

"Waaah! My ice cream!!"

"Who invited her, that dummy," says Rei.

"Our moms are friends, so there's nothing we can do," says Mina.

"Ami-chan, take us to Jinbouchou," says Mako. "How about we ditch her at the curry place?"

"It will cost too much to get there, so no way, no way!" says Ami.

"Well, who will take care of her?" says Mako.

They hold out their fists.

"One, two--"

Kousagi screams.

"Oh no!! A cat!! A pink cat!!"

A small cat with a crescent moon on its forehead holds on to her foot.

"Amazing! It really is pink!" says Mina. "(It's too bad you can't see this in color.)"

"Isn't that a violation of the Washington Treaty!?" says Ami.

"Oh, it's cute!" says Mako.

"It's so small!" says Rei.

Cats gather around on the street and in trees nearby.

"No! No! The cats are coming at me!" yells Kousagi.

"Wow, so many cats have gathered here," says Rei. "Could this be the child of one of the cats in the area?"

Minako holds the cat out at Kousagi.

"How funny!" she says. "There's a cat at Kousagi's house, but she hates cats!"

Kousagi sneezes.

"Kousagi, you can come with us," says Mina, smiling slyly.

"Really!?" says Kousagi.

They hold out their fists.

"One, two, three, shoot!"

Kousagi throws scissors, the others throw paper.

"I did it! I did it!" says Kousagi.

"Now, today is the day the winner... carries everyone's bags!"

They all toss their bags at her.

"While you're at it, bring the pink cat, too," says Mina. "Meet us in the parlor of the bean-jam dumpling shop in Shibuya. We'll go on ahead!"

The four girls run away.

"Hey!" says Kousagi. "Ami-chan! Rei-chan! Mako-chan! Mina-chan!"

The cat climbs on her head.

"I just remembered!" she says. "Today is cooking class! Oh no! I ate and ruined my full course!"

Goose bumps form on her skin.

She sets the cat down.

"Ugh. The candy you eat at the dentist before you practice brushing, that makes the food left in your mouth turn pink... This cat looks just like it! I hate it!"

She grabs the bags and the cat and starts running.

"But! The bean-jam dumpling shop's fruit sandwiches and peach parfaits, they're rare! I have to eat some!"

She runs toward the girls.

"Wait! Don't leave me behind! Ami-chan! Rei-chan! Mako-chan! Mina-chan!"

"She chased us down," says Mako.

"Kousagi really loves the dumpling shop's parfaits," says Ami.

"Are you serious!?" says Mina.

"Hurry! Make it to the train station!"

"Why are you leaving me!?" says Kousagi.

"If we bring that dumb Kousagi with us, we'll have terrible fuel consumption," says Ami.

A light begins to shine in the sky above.

People look up at it.

"Oh, it's bright!" says one girl, shielding her eyes.

The four girls stop and look.

"What is that!?" says Mako.

"Isn't it the sun?" says Ami.

"It's making some noise!" says Rei.

"A UFO!?" says Mina. "A meteorite!?"

"What is that!?"

The noise grows louder as the glowing light gets larger.

"I see it!" thinks Ami. "It's a light not of this planet's things!"

"I feel it!" thinks Rei. "It's a wind not of this planet's atmosphere!"

"I hear it!" thinks Mako. "It's a wave not of this planet's sounds!"

"I smell it! I smell it!" thinks Mina. "It has a scent not of this planet's things!"

"I sense it!!" they all think. "Is this planet in danger!?"

"Where's Kousagi!?"

"We have to help Kousagi!"

People scream as the light grows brighter and the wind grows stronger.

Kousagi cries out as she is knocked off her feet into the air.


"Please excuse me, for having the pink color just like the plaque examination candy."

"Uhhh..."

Kousagi opens her eyes.

A small girl with cat ears and a tail floats in front of her.

"Your head is pink!?"

Kousagi floats amidst glowing bubbles.

"I...!?" Wh- wh- wh- where am I!? Oh no, am I... dead?"

"Yep, that's right."

Kousagi screams.

"It can't be! No! Mom! Dad! Take me back!"

"Just kidding, I was just kidding!" says the girl. "Is dying that bad?"

"Maeda's shrimp tempura! There are still lots of things I haven't eaten!"

"Well, listen to what I say. I want you to transform and save this planet."

"So maybe..." says Kousagi, "I have finally been chosen?"

"Huh?" says the girl.

"My dad said my tongue is one rarely seen in recent years, an 'eating poor food' tongue! And someday I will be chosen, and this tongue will save the world."

"That will not save it."

"Then I don't want to," says Kousagi. "I don't like scary things. And I don't want to be bullied anymore."

"If you transform, something good will happen. Ami-chan, Rei-chan, Mako-chan, and Mina-chan are your followers, Kousagi-chan. You are a princess, Kousagi-chan. Will you do it?"

"I'll do it!!"

The girl takes Kousagi's hands.

"Say this. Parallel Moon Power!! Make Up!!"

Kousagi appears in a sailor suit, with a brooch and tiara jewel in the shape of a rabbit head.

"What!? No way!"

"Kousagi!?"

The four girls float up from the city below, wearing sailor suits as well.

"Ami-chan, Rei-chan, Mako-chan, Mina-chan!! Starting today, I am a princess!! We will save this planet!"

They look up at the glowing ball in space.

"It's here!" says Kousagi. "Let's delete it!"

The ball swirls.

"A ball of fire!? No, that's... that's..."

As the ball approaches, it can be seen to be many small rabbits, gathering together in the shape of a giant rabbit.

"It's a large herd of rabbits!!"

"What's the natural enemy of rabbits!?"

"Cats!" says Kousagi.

"Huh!?"

"A mountain of cats!!"

Kousagi grabs the book on cats from Ami's hands.

"Look, it's in the book!" she says. "It says they eat rabbits!! Bring up those cats, everyone!!"

The cats are raised up into the air, gathering into one giant cat.

"Unite and become enormous, and devour them! Cats, cats, become a huge mountain of cats!! Go forth!!"

The giant cat opens its mouth wide and eats the giant ball of rabbits.


The girls all lie on the ground, sleeping.

"No, no..." mumbles Mako.

"The cat ate the rabbit..." mumbles Rei.

"The natural enemies of rabbits are cats..." mumble Mina and Ami. "(Taught by that dumb Kousagi...)"

"Rabbit meat, eh..." mumbles Kousagi. "I'll try a bite..."

"You girls...!" says Michiru, standing over them with Haruka and Setsuna. "Nodding off on top of being late, you must be fearless."

"H- Huh?"

The girls wake up.

"All of a sudden we're in cooking class??" says Mako. "What a dream... A dream where I transformed and was worked hard by Kousagi."

"A dream where I worked them hard..." says Kousagi.

"What!?" say Mina, Ami, and Rei. "The same dream!?"

Kousagi looks down. The pink cat winks at her.

"Sometimes it's not a dream."


A toast to 1999, the year of the rabbit.

End.

March 1999. Naoko Takeuchi.